


The Pronoun Dance

by amazinglyhorribleegg



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, Body Dysphoria, Dyslexia, Freeform, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Poetic, Poetry, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transphobia, Triggers, i don't know what to tag, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 05:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13968621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amazinglyhorribleegg/pseuds/amazinglyhorribleegg
Summary: Her paradise is quite simpleA pencil and paperon an islandfree fromjudgment~And maybe shorter hair, less boobs and the S taken off of She-=-Trigger Warning for the following: Suicidal thoughts, self harm, internalized transphobia, and there may be more. You have been warned.





	The Pronoun Dance

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting anything! I felt guilty so I decided to post this (Really long) poem-thing I wrote a while ago. It's quite personal so if you do decided to critique or criticize, please be gentle. I know there are mistakes but I don't like editing my poetry.

**_The Pronoun dance_ **

 

 

~~He~~

~~She~~

~~He~~

~~She~~

~~He~~

~I don't know how to start

 

Her.

Her breasts

Her private parts

Her hair

Her hips

His mind

~No, that's wrong

 

I am a tomboy

I am a tomboy

I am a tomboy

I am a tomboy

I am a tomboy

I am a boy

*Tomboy

~I liked the 6th sentence the most

 

She stares at the moonlight

wishing that the night sky

will carry her away

~She, not he

 

"Alright, boys."

Her eyes light up

just for a second

until she hears

"And girl"

The light get's ripped away

like a mother tearing a balloon

out of their daughter's hands

~Probably just a coincidence

 

Alienated

She is standing beside

all her best friends

as they talk about

the latest celebrities,

the new dresses,

the cute boys,

but she isn't with them.

She is far away

out of the atmosphere

Inside her spaceship

~Just staring into space

 

"Why are you looking at those boys?"

Her spaceship falls

she is back to earth

Surrounded by blabbing idiots

"You have a crush on him!"

her heart drops

~This happens every year

 

Him

She just had to stare at him

when spacing out

The hoard questions approach

like a stampede of wildebeests

How will she let them know that

she wasn't staring for that reason?

~Her heart is longing, but not for a relationship

 

"Go up to him!"

"Say hello!"

"He's not even that cute"

"You two would be so cute together!"

~Just ten minutes until the bell goes

 

Her eyes glance away

from the judging mirrors

Her Instagram empty

from lack of selfies

Her hands pull at the hem of her shirt

Hoping to be unnoticed

Her hair falls in her face

She wishes to hide behind it

~Yet she also wants to chop it all off

 

She looks between two people

a boy and a girl, deep in conversation.

Her mind whispers

"Who would you rather be?"

~She answers the boy every time

 

The petty weeds in the backyard

turn to fluff and

f l y  a w a y

in the breeze.

~If only she could do the same

 

The basketball hoop can be seen from her room.

A window leading directly towards the backyard

she wants to play

but there are chains holding her back

Around her wrists, ankles, throat

A link of "SheSheSheShe"

~She wants to break free

 

She tries to cut away

from the constricting chains

with the glint of her razor

sliding across her skin

drawing red lines

hoping to one day

miss her wrists

and hit the chain

~Each razor makes the chain thicker

 

The whole day

she dreams

creates stories

vivid character

and settings

waiting until

she is in front

of her computer.

~Every time her fingers hit the keyboard, her mind goes blank

 

Life is like a rollercoaster

That's what they say

filled with ups and downs,

bumps and turns

~She is starting to believe that there is no up in her ride

 

She sees him

laughing with his friends

talking about video games

she knows

she wants to talk as well

she tries

she gets brushed off

~The chain just grows thicker

 

"Are you anorexic?"

Her mom asks, staring at her

thin, thin wrists.

She stiffles a laugh

~You got the wrong disorder, mom

 

It's weird how

people get told

"It's just a phase"

or

"You want attention"

everyday by people they love,

yet the only person telling her this

is herself

~You are your own enemy

 

She threw her pronouns in a box

taped over the top

and shipped it

f

a

   r,

        f

         a

           r

                 a w a y

~Into the back of her mind

 

Her paradise is quite simple

A pencil and paper

on an island

free from

judgment

~And maybe shorter hair, less boobs and the S taken off of She

 

The chains on her wrists aren't the only chains

scattered on her body

handcuffs trap her fingers

wrap around her mind

like a python and it's prey.

They mind control you into

writing letters backwards

writing whole damn words backwards

confuse numbers and letters

for the sole fact

that they start

with the same sound.

Those chains are named

Dyslexia

~She got five points off on an Algebra test

 

She thought she shipped the box away

along with all her emotions

but it turns out

she forgot the stamp

~Stamps are too expensive

 

Inside the box he found a razor,

a long list of her google search history

"Best way to commit suicide",

a bottle of pills,

a rope,

and instructions on how to make

a perfect noose

~She already knew how, but it was nice nonetheless.

 

The problem was

inside the box she left

her notepad,

her pencil,

her music

and her pronouns.

The only thing that made it back

was a dreaded "She".

~drenched in crimson red

 

It's never been

t h I s  d a m n  b a d  b e f o r e

She feels like

R I P P I N G

her heart out

like a discarded piece of paper

~She doesn't have the energy to write her feelings away

 

Tonight.

Tonight was the night.

She created the noose a night before

The chains on her throat left enough space

to fit the strong rope easily.

~It was like she was meant for it.

 

She walked out of her classroom

and froze

large banners were set up

in the shape of flags

showing pride for everyone.

~She was terrified, yet comforted like never before.

 

Pink, blue, white, blue, pink

Pink, blue, white, blue, pink

Pink, blue, white, blue, pink

~The colours that stayed in her mind

 

That evening she bought paints

Pink, blue and white

and painted the box with the colours

pink, blue, white, blue, pink

She wrote on the box

"He"

and shipped all the items back.

~Except for the She. She had an idea

 

When she got the box back

she just came home from school

Her music was in there,

along with a notepad and pencil.

But most importantly

two letters.

~H and E

 

She took the she into the backyard

underneath the basketball net

with a hammer in her

left hand.

With one swipe

she smashed the she

and felt the chains

come loose from her wrists.

~That only leaves one pronoun

 

He walks into the school

nothing on the outside has changed

but he feels different

better.

~It was one word

 

"Okay, boys"

his heart rate speeds up

he waits for what's coming next

but it never comes

joy filled his chest

~The first time he didn't feel hollow

 

His.

His chest binder

His private parts

his hair

his hips

his mind

~It's much more poetic

 

He sits down at his table

untangles the handcuffs around his fingers

he's not perfect

nowhere near good

but he knows how to start his story

~He

 

 

1,025 words, 5,245 letters

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I know original work stories don't get much attention. If you like this, please comment or kudos so I know! Views aren't trustworthy, because I don't know if people like my content or just clicked on it.  
> Anyway, I hope you all have a great day/night!


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